| (no subject) |
[Feb. 15th, 2008|10:32 am] |
Halo Everyone, sigh. I am sorry that Sebastian and I haven't been able to keep in touch as much as I would like to. We went on vacation at the end of January and it was so nice to have the free time to spend with one another. We went to TX to see my God children and my best friend and her children. Emily and Laila are getting so big and it just made it that much harder when we had to leave them. It was great seeing Steph and I know she was upset when we left because she was crying. We went to San Antonio to see My best friend from high school Silja Tolpi. She has recently decided to leave her husband. He was verberly and emotionaly abusive to her and her children so she left him. For the first time in 7 years I got to see my best friend and didn't have her husband tell me I wasn't aloud to see her. It was so awesome that when we went to pick up the kids she told everyone I was her sister. The kids are sooo cute and they welcomed thier aunt Stephie and uncle Sebastian with open arms.... I miss them already. I love being an aunt, but damn I am ready to be a mom. I know patience is a virtue and in due time I will get my chance.
Yesterday was nice, but it would have been better if I would be able to go on a date with my husband. He made an awesome shadow box for me for my desk. Our department at Nunez got a biggier office so I got my own desk and they are fixing to give me a new computer to. I love this job, sigh, my only complaint is it is a student job and not full time. Well hopefully when the budget goes through I can have my full time position.
Not much really to say from here. I hope everyone is doing well and I hope your V day's were everything and more
Love Steph |
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| A story which would like some constructive critisim |
[Jun. 4th, 2007|03:14 pm] |
A Story that some of you know and yet some of you don't. I refuse to give specific's but I am curious to know where I may have gone wrong or if I have at all. All names will be left out and fake names will be subsituted in. for those of you who know all parties. Then again some of you may know who they are only because you know the story all to well. The back ground of these two individuals will be left out so that you may beable to form an honest opinion. I will try and make this story as short as possible, but no promises that it will be short at all. There was a girl, Jane is what we will call her for now, and a boy we will call John. Jane had moved away for college purposes leaving her friends and family behind. It was only a few hours from home, but close enough that she could travel home on the weekend when financies would allow her to do so. Now John was one of her best friends and for the longest "The Best Friend". Our lives went in seperate directions at some point. Now I know I said I would leave out some of the back ground, but some small details will have to be added as simple as possible. John had 2 children at this point and Jane went to College. Now Jane loves Children and John had 2 kids she loved and still does love very much. There was a tragedy in her home town which caused a large evactuation. She did not have enough gas in her car and did not have enough money to fill her tank in order to get home and evactuate with her family. Now She had another friend who at this point she was very worried about. So between John, his kids, and girlfriend, she was also worried about Rory ( again name change) her number one best friend since her and John weren't as close as they once were. To try and make this story a bit shorter........ after a day or two all of these individual showed up at her small apartment along with 5 other people. She was so happy that everyone was ok she opened her doors with open arms and worked 2 jobs to help pay for herself and everyone else. After a few weeks of trying to supply for everyone 2 of the other people in the house were able to find jobs. John being one of them. At This point everyone who were involved and lost all of thier items back home begain receiving money to help pay for the things that were lost. Some of the individuals found an apt to rent in the next state over and were gone for the weekend looking over thier new place. One Morning Jane was woken up by the childrens laughter and found the contents of her purse spread all over the place. Thier mother was sleeping in the front room and thier father was sleeping in one of the 2 bedrooms. Jane was upset for multiple reasons. The main reason was simply because it was 8am and the kids hadn't been taken care of by thier parents for breakfast, Thier dipers hadn't been changed, and all at the same time thier parents were still fast asleep. John had work for 8 and already it was 8 so he was late. Jane was also very confused on how her purse, which had been put out of the reach of the chidren, was some how down and all over the floor. Naturly Jane begain yelling at the children's father for not getting up and taking care of the children and waking her up to let her know he would need a ride for work. Now Jane will openly admit that him being late for work was none of her concern, but she needed help with bills and was to proud to ask; However when he did get money to replace the things he lost back home he did help more then most. In the midst of fighting and Jane letting her agretion out on John he called her a whore. More then likely it was his way of back lashing towards Jane for her yelling at him. At This point she told him, Unsure of weather she yelled at the time or spoke, that when he got home from work his things would be packed and he needed to leave. That was to call his parents or someone to pick him and his belongings up. That he was no longer welcomed in her place of living. She felt he had no reason to call her what he did. She cried for hours and tried to call his dad to let him know the situation. He did not answer so she simply left a messege to him on his phone. Now because Jane lost her father at a very young age and her and John were very close his father was a close father figure to her for many years and assumed that he would call her back and try and talk to her about what happen. He never did..... It was at this point jane was no longer upset about the girls not being taking care of, but that John, her friend called her such a graphic word.
Jane begain calming down little by little and around 1pm she recieved a phone call from john. He did not say I am sorry for what I did, but simply said I am sorry I spoke to you like that in front of everyone. Maybe Jane was wrong to not accept his apology, you be the judge, but she was still very upset by what was said. His words were that he would have a peach offering for her when he got back and she stuck to her guns and said I am sorry but when you return your things are waiting for you. You can borrow my phone to call someone to pick you up, but you need to leave and are not welcomed to stay another night. He then asked if he could get a ride home from work and she said No i will not pick you up, find a ride from someone else. Earlier that morning one of the house guest borrowed her kids and brought John to work, because she did not want to sit next to him or be around him for what he said. So at that point in the conversation he asked if someone could borrow her car to pick him up and her response no you need to find your own way back. I believe the conversation got a little bit more graphic and a few words of choice came out. She simply was saying in not such a nice way that he could walk home if he can't find a ride.
Around 4:30 in the afternoon he walked in the apartment carrying a bag of food. She looked at him and explained that her and the girlfriend packed his things and they had them waiting in the den. That he could use to the phone to make arangements and call someone to pick him up, but that he needed to leave. I would like john's side of the story so that my readers can get both sides and i will keep you all posted. He persisted on leaveing and said he wouldn't leave without his children. Jane did speak with the girlfriend about what she wanted to do about the kids, because they were technicaly seperated. The girlfriend had said she did not want John taking the girls and that she wanted to stay. Jane never said they were not welcomed to stay only John was not. To make a long story shorter things got hot and heavy and in the midst of everything John grabed Jane's arm really hard and pushed her in the door way. Jane doesn't remember a whole lot at this point, but she remembers one of the hosue guest seperating them and her going in her room with the kids, locking the door and calling the apt leasing office. She spoke with the owner of the building and told her of the situation. She called the cops on him to have him escorted off of her property and filed a restraint order saying that if he was in a 1 block raidus of the apt buildings without a cop that the cops will be called and he would be escorted to jail. The cops came and escorted him else where and his father agreed to come pick up his things and the girls in 2 or 3 more days. By the time his dad came to pick up the kids and his son's belongings Jane had a bruise on her arm about 2-3 inch long and about and 1 1/2 wide. The last thing John's oldest told her was: I am sorry Nani my daddy hurt you.
So My question now to everyone is do you feel John is just for putting his hand on Jane? Did he have reason to leave a bruise on her arm and call her names like he did? Better yet does any man have the right to put his hands on a female? If so what reasons would a man have that right? If you have any opinons I am curious to know how you feel about that subject. We grew up in an age were it was frowned upon for a man to lay his hands on a woman, but I ask you now what is your opinion? Things change threw time. Does this girl have the right to be confused and hurt still? Is she simply angry with him or is she still emotinonaly hurting? Is he in the right or the wrong? Is she is the right or wrong for what she did? How is this justified? Does let go of his X girlfriend now wife and kids because she knows he will always be around the cornor if they are? So many questions and now simply a question of what everyone else may think. Let me know thanks again. |
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| Long time my friends |
[Apr. 21st, 2007|01:38 pm] |
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I don't have a whole lot of time to write this, but I wanted to let every one know that i am doing great and married life is treating well so far. Sebastian got a job and money is looking better. I still hate my job at hobby lobby, but I am hoping to be working for Nunez soon with a friend. No promise there and no guarantee, but here is keeping my fingers crossed. I tell you guys more latter, but if I don't go I am going to be late for work. Love you a whole lot, Steph |
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| Concerns and Truth |
[Mar. 27th, 2006|10:33 am] |
*~**~*~SIGHT~*~**~*
Where do I begin? Well Let me start with something that happened 6 months ago and work my way through. We were all in some way shape or form involved in last years hurricane devestation. Some worse then others, but whoses to say who had worse, we all got it and have all been affected in some way. Now my question to all of you at this time did that stupid hurricane change us so much that we forgot who are friends are or have I and Sebastian changed so much that no one wants to see us. I don't say this with anger but maybe concern. Things were so different before the hurricane and now the biggiest change of all, me and Sebastian getting married. I want to be happy but how can we be happy when we don't see everyone like we once did. I wanted to share my happiness and joy with our friends and we haven't been able to do so. We were in the parish yesterday and trying to clean 2 out of 3 houses that my family owns and all I could do was cry. Everytime I saw something it reminded me of all of you. I can't just say good bye to that place because it was my home for 10 years and for a place I thought I hated so much I miss more then anything. I thought you guys were all better then the people in NEw Orleans I once called friends because I knew that the friendships we all had weren't going to end, but my fear now is maybe they already have. I am scared that Sebastian and I have changed so much that no one likes us and no one wants to spend time with us. I know it is a 2 way stick and we can call to and that some of you have tried to call, and all we say is we will call you back, but............. well I have no excuses for that, but we miss you all and we have no idea what your lives are like and when your deprest and upset and when your happy. My thought came all of a sudden because I read a blod Stacy wrote on myspace and she mentioned that Tim came to spend some time with her and Pat one day. Tim Called me about a month ago and said he was comeing down and I was excited to hear that. I told him to call me when he got here and we could hang out, but we got no phone call. Call it Jealousy but he called Pat and Saw Stacy and Brandolyn. He was in Baton Rouge Thursday night and who knows for how long but the two people that didn't get a call was me and Sebastian. We were home doing absolutly nothing and could have been with our friends enjoying dinner and coffee. Have we changed so much that no one wants to se us? I know it sounds stupid, but it's been somethiong we have questioned alot latly. Then Sebastian reads something this morning and tells me Lauren is pregnant, WOW!!!! I am both estacted and excited for Lauren and Darryl and I wish them both the best, I always liked him, but my question now is did anyone get a call or was it just a post; and if everyone did get a phone call why weren't we included? I guess now im sounding self fish, but I am deprest and I am trying to find out who my true friends are. I thought it was all of you and I hope it still is, but how are we all friends if we don't talk nor see each other. I understand busy schedules and soon I will be working 2 jobs, but that was never a problem before because no matter what we always made time for each other. I realize that some of you wont have the nicesest things to say but let truth be told and tell us how you truelly feel. I would rather know how you feel about everything then sit back and wonder. |
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| No longer single |
[Sep. 25th, 2005|11:28 pm] |
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I thought I would inform all of you ladies and Gentilman that I am no longer single, I am now going out with one of the good guys. He is incredibly wonderful and I realized that I have always loved him just never knew. All it took was one simple kiss and now he is mine. I refuse to let him go and I never want to lose him. Some of you know this man well, He is my teddy bear and I never thought I could be so happy. I haven't smiled like this is almost 6 years. Who knew it was possible to have happiness like this in my life once again. He is better then my past and the best present I could have ever asked for and he is still yet my future to come. It took me to almost lose him to realize he there under my nose the whole time. If you had to guess who he was who would you think he was? Comment if your curious and maybe I will let you know who my baby is. |
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| As school goes |
[May. 11th, 2005|02:46 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | determined | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | The sounds of the LSU Library | ] |
Halo friends
Today I got off my lazy ass and went to school to talk to an advisor. I am going to change my major to something that is more stephie. I am going to go into art; however for me to beable to do that it seems I have to turn in a portfolio. I haven't had to do that in quite some time and it may cost me some money to get one together, but I am willing to do what ever it takes to make me happier and I think this will be one thing to make me happier. I failed yet again this semester and I feel it is in my best interest to do something I love. Art is what I love and it is what I do and who I am, so wish me luck and if possible help when u can. Love you all, always, Stephie
I will keep u updated at every cost. Hugz and kisses Steph |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 26th, 2005|01:13 pm] |
Halo everyone
I feel maybe it is time for an update with me. As some of you know for the last couple of months whenever I would come home I would for some reason just break down and cry, well I found out why. Turns out I have a depresion disorder by the name of : Dysthymic Disorder. However since I found out about this disorder I have been a lot better. I guess it is because I finaly found out why I get so weird lately.
http://www.mentalhealth.com/dis1/p21-md04.html
This is the american definition of what I have. In any case I have been trying to deal with things and get past things. Something they told me was to accept the postive and get rid of the negetive. With that being said there is no more Chad. He is a great guy and I know most of you if not all of you would love him, but I can't wait for someone to not know what they want. It isn't fair to me. I have two jobs and I think that is a positive thing, because I have met some cool people at both jobs. School is slowly but surely getting better, but for now I am going through some reevaluation. I wanted to come home and just go to beauty school, but I decided against that. I can't just give up that easily and no matter how I look at it, if I come home now then I know in my eyes it would be given up. I miss the hell out of every single one of you, but I can't rush home every time I get home sick. Me going home every time I get home sick makes things worse. I know you all have good reason not to visit me, but I still feel sometimes it would be nice to have you guys surprise me and come see me. I am glad that things at home seem to be a little bit better for some of you and for those of you who are still haveing a hard time with things Then I will keep you in my prayers. Everything will all work out and be ok in the end.
I just thought you guys would want to know I feel better and i'm going to kick this depresion.
Love you all Stephie |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 10th, 2005|09:00 pm] |
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| |  depressed | ] |
Well Ladies and Gents I have a bit of an update to share with you. Chad, the individual I have been talking to now for nearly 3 months is no more. This isn't necessarly what I want. I care about him to be honest and I miss him like crazy, but I discovered that the man wants his cake and eat it to. He wants all the benifits of a realtionship without the title. He doesn't want a girlfriend just a friend, but he acts as if we have been together for ever. Ironic isn't it. I don't doubt in my mind that he cares for me as well, but he simply just doesn't want a girlfriend. I hate that, but I also don't think I should be 1. his little secret and no one knows I exists and 2. wait for him to figure it out. So I took a different road, heck maybe the one less traveled. I just don't want to hurt any more. So I met someone else and who the heck knows if that would last, but he knows about my feelings toward Chad and that everything just technicaly ended so he isn't pursuing me, but wants to. I simply told him give me time and alow me to get to know you first. We agreed. This one seems like the type I always find, but I haven't figured out if that is good or bad. I don't need a man, but I am not going to lie it would be nice to have one once in a blue moon.
More about my diabeties, it's hard and I have been sick, but you do what you have to in order to live and im living. I have to many friends and family to just up and die or have a diabetic coma of some sort.
I hope you all are well......... |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 27th, 2005|07:46 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  apathetic | ] |
Well Ladies and Gents I figured I would update you guys on my life and how I am doing. As some of you know already I was classified with Diabeties. Scary thoght, I even went into Stacy's office crying like a big baby. I have accepted it now, I mean what else could I do right. I am still a little scared, but so far so good. I have taken my medicine and I think this pricking my finger thing won't be as bad as I originaly thought. It's kind of funning watching my room mate get all weird and chicken shit like when I do prick my finger. I have even been watching my food intake and eating better, but there is still that temptation to just go eat a big fat juicy hamburger.........ahhhhhhhh burger.........um yummy. See you guys can't let me say things like that. As for The guy situation, well the guy I wrote about it my last entry is now moving. Grant it he will only be 40 min away in hammond, but I still haven't worked up the courage to tell him how I feel. I think he already knows, because I seem to get more phone calls and more attention. In any case if any of you have advice on how to tell him let me know. As I tried to explain to sebastian This very blunt friend of yours gets shy around him and Isn't as blunt around him as she normaly can be around her friends and family. I guess I just like him that much. Hell I am even dreaming about him now. I have to tell him before he moves, but im scared it could change things. I will be honest im not even sure any of you even read my journal, but here is for trying. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 7th, 2005|12:50 pm] |
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| |  scared | ] |
Well Friends today is yet another day. Yesterday no longer exist and tommorow seems like miles away.
*~**~~*~*~*~***~Sigh~***~*~*~*~*~~**~*
Recently I have begun to think once again, and though I was against the idea of finding love and someone to fill the spot that my last two loves left behind, I think I am begining to find it once again. I have never in my entire life been so scared as I am now. How do you tell someone you care for them when you aren't sure they care for you the same. Trust is limited in the eyes of both people and you aren't even sure that he believes the words that come out of your mouth. You try and give up and say to yourself there are other fish in the sea, but he is the one you dream about every day and every night. He is the one on your mind when you wake up in the morning and the same person you think about as you go to sleep at night. My father once told me if you find someone like that it means there is more to the picture then everyone knows. He told me this before he died. He told me that this is when you know you are ready to give your heart away. I sit here and cry because I want to tell him, but I am afraid that the idea of someone loving him that much may scare him away. Things always feel so right when we are together, but I don't want to mess up what we have now. Some guys are scared of comitment and/ or the idea of loving someone that much. Most are afriad that if they give thier heart a away it will be giving back to them in small pieces that are hard to mend back together. The pharase I have repeated many times over has made me feel like a hypocrat. I have told many that the bigges regrets in life are the chances we don't take. Will I now stop being a hypocrate and take that chance. In any case there is someone speacial in my life, unofficialy that is, how do I make him mine to keep. It's been so long since I was in love, how do I even recognize the signs? How do I know that what I am feeling is not simply an infaction? How do I know if he feels the same and what do I do? How soon is to soon? So many questions I ponder and yet I wonder if all of this is just some dream. His Jealousy of the unknown, mainly the men I have been with in more ways then one; His careing for me when I went to the hospital about a bad fall; Or his most recent conversation with me on his couch when he asked me why do you like me? I am no good for you Stephanie. I asked what he meant by that and he simply said I am to unstable for you and you deserve better. Now I ask you my friends are these the words of man who could possibly care for me as I do for him, or am I simply dreaming a dream that isn't meant to be. That same night when I arived at his apartment all he wanted to do was hold me as tight as he could. I will leave all of you with this, for those of you who are single when love is knocing at your day don't hesitate to open the door and imbrace because as I said earlier it is the chances in life we do not take that become our biggest regrets latter. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 25th, 2004|04:02 pm] |
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Halo Friends and Merry Christmas to you all. Snow in louisiana, who would have thought. Brings all new meaning to hell freezing over, guess this is the closest thiing we are going to get to that. Heck maybe this is a blessing in disguise. My mom loves the idea that this is her first grandbabies first christmas and it's snowing. Not that baby Caroline is going to remember this day years from now, and let's be honest it will be years before it happens again. Last time it snowed here in New Orleans, and yes it is actualy snowing, was in 1989. I was 8 years old and in 2nd grade. I remember having the flu and being really sick. My dad was so excited that he brought me and my brother, who at the time was 5, outside to make a snow man. Mom got mad because I was sick and irresponsibly my dad brought me outside without a coat. I remember going inside and momma made me hot chocolate. It's Winter memories like that one that makes me miss my dad just a little more then I already do. He loved me and my brother so much and now when we seem to all need him the most all we can do is look to the sky and tell him how much we love him. It isn't easy, but it isn't as hard as it use to be. The only worry my brother and I seem to still have is I hope he is proud of us. We are both so afraid that we will disapoint him. In any case I hope everyone has a safe and Happy Merry Christmas. I love you all and while im home I hope I get to see everyone of you. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 12th, 2004|12:57 am] |
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Ok Ok Ok another note, I am off of work friday and saturday so if you guys want to make plans you know how to contact me. I will come home for the thought of going out if you guys want. Hugz and kisses |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 9th, 2004|12:14 pm] |
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| |  confused | ] |
Well I figured since I am home I should update this thing while I have the touch of the internet beneath my finger tips, and maybe talk about some things that are on my mind. As most of you, if not all of you, know I have been talking to Tim. It seems, and I may be wrong, that you guys thought it would be cool to try and hook us up. Well, what I can say I guess in a way you guys suceeded. Before I finish with that I want to inform you of something else that has happened. I recently made a poor decsion that resulted in a man not only telling me I wasn't inteligent enough for him, but I wasn't pretty enough for him either. So after giveing him something for a month the life lesson I learned was that in the end I just wasn't good enough for him, go figure. I delt with this better then most would assume and only because I wasn't upset or crying in the end but angry. I wanted to just kick him in the head. I knew that after what was said he wasn't worth my time or my effort, and that it had proved to be another stupid and very naive decsion on my part. So I lived, and I learned, and in the end I found someone better. Now back to Tim. I am not sure where this is going or where he wants it to go. When I came home this week to get my car fixed I hoped I would beable to talk to him, but because of the stress of his exams and the stress of my car we have not been able to do so. I will be honest, at first I felt like I was being avoided and a little neglected, but I don't want to jump to conclusions. You guys are some of our closest if not best friends, and if anyone knew anything about the situation or could give advice on the matter it would be you guys. Now Tim I know your probably reading this as well and God only knows what your thinking, but I think we need to talk. I have no idea how much longer I am going to be here, but I know that I have to go back to Baton Rouge soon. I was really happy that you were willing to come see me in Baton Rouge knowing you don't have a lot of money and it was such a long distence to travel. It was a long, yet wild weekend and maybe something that occured shouldn't have, but they did and no there are no regrets on my part. In any case I would like to hear what any of our friends have to say about this and I would love to talk to you when I get the chance. You know my number, please contact me. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 9th, 2004|04:43 pm] |
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| |  weird | ] |
::Sigh::
So much to say and not sure how to say it.
Have you ever felt that the one thing u seem to never have, but have always wanted may be right in front of you and insted of takeing the steps in getting it you seem to take 2 steps back? It's like you have this picture of what a perfect life looks like and you try your hardest to achieve just that, PERFECTION, but nothing is ever really perfect. It seems that PERFECTION is only in the eye of the beholder. I am tired of taking steps back and never taking chances or taking the chances I know will end eventualy. To be honest it has been so long since I ever had the balls, figureitivly speaking, to do the things to get me what I want or get me where I want to be that I think I forgot how. I know what I want and I know where I want to be, but how to get there is what I don't know. Lately, and I am not trying to brag, I have had many guys show interest in me. I forgot what that was like, but I am also reminding myself of the Naive 15 year old I use to be. I don't want to be this hard core person who pushs the guys away, but I don't want to be taken advantage of and get hurt again. I want to beable to trust and not get stabed in the back.
Well I am deep in thought, and not sure how to put my thoughts on paper, but I will let you guys know this I am considering dateing again, just name the question is who? |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 28th, 2004|04:40 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | determined | ] |
Today is a new day with greener and brighter pastures. Things are good thus far and some things are beginning to look up where as others are not. First and foremost Money is Evil, but as evil as it is, the money situation is looking up. My Place of employment (Papa Jhons) is starting to give me more hours. Unfortuantly as I am learning you take the good with the bad. I am now begining to recieve 30+ hours insted of 10-15 which is a very good thing; however Since I work on Mon and Wed, but I have class on Tues and Thurs mornings at 9AM I am having trouble waking up early enough to go to class in the morning. My last test came back and it was a 51. Scary thing is that's an improvement from the first one, but I decided that it would be in my best interest if I droped my class. Well along with getting more hours at work it is due to the fact that we have lost 3 of our insiders and I am now forced to work harder and do more. I now have the job of answering phone, handling the cash register, slabbing dough, making pizza, and takeing care of the pit where I have to take the pizza out of the ovan, cut the pizza and make sure they have peppers and sauce cups in the boxs. This is also leaving me more tired, but I keep telling myself in the end it will be worth it when I get my pay check. We also have a new assitent manage because our former assitant manager is moveing to Alabama. She (former assitant mannager) is also someone I thought was a friend, but she now has my $60 black neglatia that I bought for the con we went to back in May, and guess who isn't answering my calls so I'm not sure I will be seeing that again, at least not in this life time or the next; however if I wanted I could always go to Victoria Secrets and stare at the ones they have and remember how stupid I was to trust some girl I didn't know and all because I was in a desperate need to find a new friend. Lesson learned never trust someone you don't know and never let anyone here borrow my belongings. Case very much noted and now onto other things. Greg and I are, well to be honest we have our good days and we have our bad days. I believe in a way I am bringing him down with me in my off and on state of depresion. He is (just like most of you) worried about me. He wants me to beable to open up to him and tell him how I feel about certain things, but that just isn't me. I have a hard time opening up to people I know and love much less someone I barely know and live with. In his mind he thinks I am Jealous of those of you who have someone and that I am just lonly. I beg to differ with his thoughts because as most of you know I am single because I choose to be single, not because I have to be. My life is complicated enough with work and school for me to just add to the complication and start dateing again. Life just seems so much easier not worrying about having a boyfriend. I barely have time for myself much less anyone else. I don't see him much anymore because he was one of the few people who quit working at Papa Jhons, but it is also because of him and Josh quiting that I now have to work on haloween. I apologize for having to break my promise to all of you because you all wanted to see me. I asked my manger if maybe we could make some kind of compramise and the only thing we could come up with is getting off earlier and that would depend on how busy we are that night. So I am sorry to all of you who was looking forward to seeing me this weekend, but priorties come first and right now thats makeing me some money. I don't want to let anyone down, but as a wise person recently told me in a piece of mail sometimes you need to think of yourself and do what you want to do, well maybe not those words but something alond those lines (thank you for the advice Stacy I will write you tonight). Speaking of advice.........Sea Bass I love the piss out of you to and if I remember corectly your comment to my last LJ entry was "FUCK LSU!!!", well I thought about it and I refuse to just give up. This Is a dream that took me forever to get to and now that I am able to touch it just a lil bit I won't just give up with a fight. So here goes I am going to see what my following semester holds for me and hopefully things will look better. I stayed at Nunez longer then I should have and just to achieve a piece of shit associates that probably won't get me very far, but it's a degree and I am not leaving here till I can come home with yet another degree, no matter what it is I will get something and hopefully sooner then latter. I came here with a purpose and though most of you think I would be better to come home and pursue another dream I am not yet ready to admit defeat. Sebastian, Stacy and everyone else who is reading this I know you guys believe in me, and you all think it would be better to pursue something else and maybe something better, but now is the time I believe in myself and prove I can do it. I know me being here is proving enough for you guys and the fact I just got in is more then most people can say, but I am in this for the long hall so wish me luck and remind me I can make it. Stacy your right about my dad in the letter that you wrote me even though I made him a promise he wouldn't want me to be misearable, but he also told me when I was young that I could do what ever I wanted or be who ever I wanted when I grew up as long as I put my mind heart and soul into everything I do, well I haven't done that lately. I have only bitched and complained and tried to convience myself I couldn't do it. I CAN DO THIS, and if I don't then I know he will love me just the same. To soond to just give up. As for anything else, well for now thats all that is on my mind. Seriously though you guys should write me, letters would help me more to because I will beable to read things from you all. Well It is time I ending my rambling that I have always been so very good at. I love you all very much, thank you for the words of love and encouragment. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 11th, 2004|01:02 pm] |
I shall update ASAP!!!!!!
Waiting for my net to start working. I love you guys and I miss you. |
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| Only Time Will Tell |
[Sep. 5th, 2004|03:00 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  exhausted | ] |
Time will only tell the things that happen in a person’s life. Now for me I am waiting for time to tell me if LSU is right for me, or if I am simply walking down the wrong path. As all of you know, or should know, LSU has been a dream of mine for 3 years, but now that I am here it doesn’t feel so much like a dream come true. Now I know all of you are incredibly proud of me and I know my Dad would be patting me on the head and telling me how proud he is as well, but I am not so sure I am proud of myself. It doesn’t feel anything like I thought it would, but it is a major accomplishment to even get accepted. I busted my A$$ off to get here and since I have never been one to quit anything I am in this in the long run. My dad told me and my brother when we were very young don’t start something if your going to quit and well I already started I might as well finish with something. Now as some of you know I have been very home sick and it’s because I have such wonderful friends and family back home. I know you guys miss me, because I miss you. This will be my 3rd week at school and though the classes aren’t hard I can honestly say I have not giving it my full effort so far, but if I am in this for the long run I better get my ass in gear. Class isn’t so bad because I only have classes two days a week, but I stay pretty busy in between with work. I got a job, now it’s not the greatest but it will help pay my bills. I am working at Papa Johns Pizza. It isn’t hard but when we get busy, we get busy. Perfect example tonight was LSU’s first game, which we kicked serious ass in; I went into work at 3PM and just got off a few min ago at 2AM. Tonight was especially hard for me because I spent the day before work throwing up and being incredibly sick. Not sure what happen, but I was noxious, dizzy, and I kept blacking out, not to mention I wasn’t breathing well; but I was a trooper and I got through 11 hours of work. We were so busy that our delivery time was up to and hour and 45 min. It isn’t anything like the library and I miss those people so much, but no matter how much I miss things at home I know home isn’t far away. Everyone has been so great back home with me being home sick. Sebastian, God bless his heart, bought me a Nunez Teddy bear and got everyone to sign it. For those of you who did sign it, thank you so much and for those of you who couldn’t it’s ok I know you love me to. I don’t know when the next time I am coming home will be, but I promise to let you guys know. I also know I haven’t been good at keeping my journal entries up, but I will promise to try my best in doing so. Well guys good night for now and remember I love you all. |
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| Questions of CON matters. |
[Aug. 17th, 2004|12:48 pm] |
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Halo my friends, My first entry today is going to be on asking How can I get in touch with other CON people on live journal. I tried to do a search and I had no luck. I also would like to know if anyone else knows what are dates and names of CON conventions that will be coming up this year. I enjoy myself when I go and I want to become a regular. well love you guys I will attempt to write something else latter. |
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| This one's 4 Brandy |
[Jul. 23rd, 2004|02:15 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  sad | ] |
Sigh
Brandy I have been talking to Gerald and I think I am just going to post parts of our conversation, maybe it will help you understand a lil bit better and if not I will try and answering what ever questions you have, but before I do that I feel like you guys aren't going to miss me when I leave, and I am scared I will lose your friendship quicker then I picked it up this year. We have our share of Drama, but your the best group of friends I have had since highschool.........just keep that in mind.
Grumbles05 [1:12 AM]: have u read the coments to what sebastian posted
TheOneTrueGerald [1:12 AM]: Have there been more since?
TheOneTrueGerald [1:09 AM]: Oh my God. Not another one.
TheOneTrueGerald [1:14 AM]: Uh-oh. . . I better pull this up now, then.
TheOneTrueGerald [1:18 AM]: Oh weet wheezing Lord, you people have issues.
Grumbles05 [1:18 AM]: I just started typeing and it all cam out
Grumbles05 [1:18 AM]: I love Brandy, and to me, she has changed
TheOneTrueGerald [1:19 AM]: How has Brandy changed? 'Cause frankly, I don't see it either.
TheOneTrueGerald [1:20 AM]: What's different about her now that isn't cool?
Grumbles05 [1:20 AM]: Gerald she keeps telling every body she is sooooooooo happy and maybe she is, but I dont see it
Grumbles05 [1:20 AM]: maybe im envious then
Grumbles05 [1:21 AM]: but sebastian hasnt changed any eigther
TheOneTrueGerald [1:21 AM]: it's good that you can admit to being envious of her, but I'm not the person who needs to hear that. If you tell her that and why, it will heal your relationship with her.
Grumbles05 [1:22 AM]: Gerald maybe its me and sebastian, but she seems different around me, like we use to do more and I use to get more calls, like she is scared to talk to me about stuff. I mean she is an incredily smart woman and I am sure she knows how I feel. Maybe I have changed
TheOneTrueGerald [1:24 AM]: Okay, in general, things don't feel the same. What feels different?
TheOneTrueGerald [1:24 AM]: Is it something you can put your finger on?
Grumbles05 [1:24 AM]: well me her and cleste dont hang out anymore
Grumbles05 [1:25 AM]: she is never home on a weekend (which I know is because its the only time she has with him)
Grumbles05 [1:25 AM]: um she doesnt call as often
Grumbles05 [1:25 AM]: I always feel like shes mad at me
TheOneTrueGerald [1:25 AM]: Okay, now that last is really worth exploring a bit.
TheOneTrueGerald [1:26 AM]: From what I know, she isn't. She is stressing a bit right now because of the work situation and the near back-to-back weddings. She might be a little more "short" with people lately, but I wouldn't take it personally.
Grumbles05 [1:26 AM]: I just feel there is a distence between us
TheOneTrueGerald [1:26 AM]: Does it seem like it's something that goes beyond the immediate stress to you, though?
Grumbles05 [1:27 AM]: but she use to come and talk to me and celest when she was stressed about things
Grumbles05 [1:27 AM]: and she doesnt
Grumbles05 [1:27 AM]: I dont feel shes that happy
TheOneTrueGerald [1:27 AM]: Well, she puts most of her feelings in her LJ, so they do get expressed-- just not one the one-on-one basis you might be used to.
Grumbles05 [1:28 AM]: I have a feeling, and I can be wrong, she is trying to sound happy or make everyone think she is happy when in actuality there is more stress on her plate then she is letting on about. I mean weddings back to back. Last week was Stacy and why would she be stressed about that and this weekend is her brother which she should be..... but its almost over
TheOneTrueGerald [1:28 AM]: She's taking an active role in the weddings, isn't she?
TheOneTrueGerald [1:29 AM]: See, you guys couldn't handle being close friends with me, 'cause every year or so, I send out a message to everyone telling them I'm "going underground" for a few weeks, which means you can call me, but I'm going to be antisocial 'cause I'm working on some things.\
TheOneTrueGerald [1:29 AM]: I'm supposed to be there now, in fact, heh.
TheOneTrueGerald [1:32 AM]:you might want to ask her if everything's okay. She does have a lot on her plate right now. Parents moving & all.
Grumbles05 [1:33 AM]:I know the deal with her parents is a big thing but she wont talk about it
TheOneTrueGerald [1:33 AM]: Ahhh. See, this lends credence to the statement about distance.
TheOneTrueGerald [1:34 AM]: There are things that are bugging her that she won't talk about. How can you not feel distance?
Grumbles05 [1:34 AM]: I know her Gerald, thing is we just started hanging out after knowing each other for years
TheOneTrueGerald [1:34 AM]: Right. But you're still friends.
Grumbles05 [1:34 AM]: I dont want to push any buttons or say something stupid
TheOneTrueGerald [1:35 AM]: Okay here's what you do--
TheOneTrueGerald [1:36 AM]: "I don't want to push any buttons or say something stupid, but Brandy I feel like there are things that have been bugging you and you won't talk about them. I'm your friend but you have to let me be your friend. Talk to me."
TheOneTrueGerald [1:36 AM]: Hell, you could send her that as an e-mail message word-for-word!
Grumbles05 [1:36 AM]: no I am going to fix things
Grumbles05 [1:37 AM]: I got a way with words
-----------------------------------------------
In any case Brandy I love you and I don't want to fight, I just know there is a lot on ur plate and that you work more. I got fired up when u said earlier that u felt it was an obligation to hang out when u didn't want to and maybe in a way it's me thats changing. I have always been afriad of change and though I am excited about LSU lately I have been seriously thinking about not going. I dont want to leave you guys, your the best I have had in so long. You are such a wonderful individual and you just seem deprest sometimes like u have things on ur mind. You talk a fare game of being happy, but I dont think ur truelly happy and I wish sometimes we could go hang out, drink coffee and talk about it, like we use to. I realize we both are always so busy, but I am leaving soon and I dont want to leave knowing you got things on ur mind that you havent talked to us about. So yea maybe ur right, maybe you havent changed but you arent quite yourself, does that make better sence? If not ask away and I will try and word things a lil bit better, so that you and I will beable to clear the confusion up. I love you Always Stephie |
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| Just a short update |
[Jun. 28th, 2004|02:44 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  grateful | ] |
There has been so much that has happened to me in my life in the last 23 years, but even more in just the last couple of months. It’s been one event after the other, and the beginning of this long series of events started with the one individual that my last entry was about. For those of you who don’t know whom I am talking about it was my X boyfriend. My phone rang just a few days before my 23rd birthday and before I opened my eyes from my nap and/or looked at the phone I knew it was him. I picked up the phone and soon they’re after I heard his voice say: Hey how are you. It was weird hearing from him and even weirder when he asked if I would come see him. It turns out he was home that entire week trying to clean his house and yard and help get it ready to sell. I thought for a short min and then I told him that I would come see him. My biggest worry, as shallow as it was, was that my weight would be an issue as I walked in his house. I cried a little bit because I haven’t seen him in 3 and a half years and I wasn’t sure what, if anything would happen. The 45 min it took me to drive all the way there I had so many questions running through my head, but no answers. Those were the same questions I had when him and I broke up nearly 4 years ago. I had so much to say and yet I didn’t know how to say it. Its amazing I have known that man for nearly 6 years now and where at first I couldn’t remember how to get to his house I now knew how to get there by heart. I pulled up next to the house and at first I was very hesitant about getting out, but I was already there and there was no turning back now. I walked inside and there on the couch he sat, funny I no longer cared what I looking like or how big or small I was. Infact I didn’t have one thought in my mind. Daniel (His best friend) was sitting on the couch closest to the door. I decided it would be in my best interest to sit next to Daniel, because even though I was over my X at this point in my life, I also knew that there was still a lot of anger I had for him that I had to get through. Between the three of us we discussed old times and talk about the past. Daniel was there for a couple hours but couldn’t stay long because he had work. He said his good byes and I continued to sit across the room opposite of Donald. We stared at each other for a little while and I told him how much things have changed since he has been gone and I informed him how his family was doing, since he doesn’t keep in touch with them the way he should. Well the one fear I had was he would comment about the weight I gained and yet he still amazes me. He looked at me and told me that I was just as beautiful as he remembered. A lot was said in such little time and by the end of the night I realized that 1. I loved him very much and I always will, but that 2. I am over him. He no longer owns my heart, I do. The feeling of closure I received from that experience is the best I could ever asked for. So to you dear Viking and to where ever you are today, Good Bye and Farewell.
A different day is upon us and as many of you know I have been incredibly stressed out with getting into LSU. Well On Friday June 18th I drove up to Baton Rouge and went to LSU’s campus. As I approached the Admissions office with much anticipation I was told that my transcripts were still being evaluated. Everything in my life at this point rests on me getting accepted or not. My stress became more and more. I still hadn’t found myself a job. I couldn’t get my apartment and put a down payment down until I knew I would be going to LSU. Without a job I wasn’t sure if I could visit my best friend in Washington, pay for school, and much less pay for an apartment. I needed to get my financial aid done and figure out when to sign up for classes if it was the route I was taking would lead me to LSU. So I spoke to a counselor and I told her that I had concerns and I wanted to know so that I could ease some stress away and get an apartment. So sat down and talked to me and told me I was accepted and that I would be mailed my letter the following week. So I got accepted and I got my apartment. I am still waiting to hear from financial aid and I am still looking for a job, but things are looking up for me.
Not much of anything else for me to write about at the moment, but heck if I let anything out and anyone wants to know what’s going on just post a comment and I will back to you ASAP. |
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